Reconnecting With an Old Girl Friend | is It Wise?
Reconnect with an old flame
Is it a good idea to Reconnect with an old flame an old girl or boyfriend?
- Is it worth the trouble?
Reconnect with an old flame the big question.
On balance-yes. But frankly, it can often end very disappointingly. For example-the another party has ‘moved on’ and unwilling to open potential old wounds. Often reluctant to engage in any dialogue, due to mixed feelings of disloyalty and/or deceit toward their current partner. This is despite the fact usually the ‘searchers’ desire no more than rekindling of friendship. Plus, curiosity as to how their life has been, to show they are not forgotten and valued as part of their past.
Typically, how does the other party react?
There are basically two approach methods.
- 1) We, or a similar type of organisation handle (mediation)
- 2) The client themselves.
- From client feedback -very mixed. Especially when dealing with irrational, over-protective and suspicious partners. In some cases, a ‘point-blank’ refusal to even pass on a message.
- Often, we find ourselves bearing the brunt of abuse calling us ‘weirdo’s ‘stalkers’ etc. Not very nice especially when having put in many hours of hard work to get that far. On the other hand, there are others who adopt a more intelligent and pragmatic viewpoint, congratulating our resourcefulness in getting this far.
The role of Facebook. And the Electoral Roll.
3) Facebook. It has its uses but does not deliver a person’s address and deals only with where people are today. Keeping in mind most of our work is not about today, it’s delving into the distant past. However, when we do eventually find the ‘case study’ target through historic records we can then sometimes use Facebook. It supports us bringing the historic information forward to today. Facebook can help in finding sons, daughters, grandchildren, or people from previous marriages. It’s not precise and involves trial and error, especially if for example the surname is “Smith”. Nevertheless, we can usually find a link.
3a) Electoral Roll
Together with BMD (Birth Marriage and Death Records) are our bible. Unfortunately these days electoral register searches no longer show everyone listed. Back in 2014 people were offered the choice of opting ‘out’ or ‘in’ of appearing on the open electoral register-(open and closed register). In other words, if you don’t want to show in there, you can request your name not to appear. For researchers, this causes huge problems as the listings abruptly end in 2014. Which poses the question-“do they still reside there or not?” We can handle this but it means more work, and sometimes payment to a licensed credit trace agent, who has access to the closed register version. Or, someone we go and knock on the person door. 99% of the time the person is still living there, and simply opted out.
What are people motives for seeking to reconnect with an old flame?
Obviously we can never be absolutely sure! But based on what they tell us, it’s a mix of rekindling cherished memories, perhaps apologising for being so silly, and hurting their feelings. Indeed, this is an emotional issue we often hear.
A genuine interest as to how the other person’s life has panned out. A Hope in the future to meet-up for an occasional cup of coffee. Maybe to exchange letters/emails Xmas cards etc.
Curiosity to observe how they have matured mentally, and physically. Interestingly nobody has ever expressed any issue of concern with disappointment as to physical changes, which may have aged the individual. Curious as to changes from that naive, sweet, and demure teenager they once knew.
We have been told many times it’s about the heart and soul of that person, and not how they look. We are not convinced on this one! Read below.
Reminiscing about all those crazy heady days they spent together, pop music of the time, trips together to various places. Perhaps even touching on the issues as to why they split up. All is fine until (we suspect) comes to the crunch issue- changes in physical appearances! Vanity creeps in, and we guess many people are self-conscious of how much they have changed, physically.
Perhaps on balance, some consider it’s best to leave the past in the past and leave the other party with an enduring memory of a youthful image in their mind.
Others, we guess find it unbearable to show their weight gains, loss of hair, hooded eyelids, double chins and all the other ravages of ageing.
Reconnect with an old flame. We could continue with this post it’s never-ending!