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Reconnecting A Special Friends From Your Distant Past.

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Reconnecting With A Lost Love

Reconnecting with A Lost Love- We focus on those aged Over 60’s who Reconnected with An Old Sweetheart. “The special one who got away”_see article here

Reconnecting With A Lost Love
Mornington Crescent 1968. Once Seen Never Forgotten-Still Etched Deep In My Thoughts-Darling!

Finding a long lost friend

Reconnecting with a special old friend, from long ago does actually appear to be growing in popularity. Mainly due to the world wide web connections, and growth in people reconnecting with old school friends this way.

However reconnecting with a lost love, old flames, lost sweethearts, etc. is not a new phenomenon. Indeed t has been around for a long time. but years ago required more initiative and creativity pre-social media era. Surveys showed that 55% burning wish was to reconnect with a person they loved when age 17 or earlier-a first love. 9% searched an old sweetheart from when they were between ages 18 to 23.

Finding A Long Lost Lover Is It Worth it?

In many cases, people wished to “return” to a lost love they had when age 8, 9, or 10!  These reconnections were particularly popular amongst over 65s. Remarkably these reconnections had a very high success rate. Indeed the same success level former loves from the high school era.

Frequently the couples grew up in the same communities, same schools, same peer links, and close to their families. One constant feedback was “feeling comfortable” as there was reassuring “familiarity”. Sexual or otherwise with these individuals in their teens had no bearing on the success or otherwise when reconnection.

Successful Mature Couple reunions

Thirty-Seven % of those surveyed were in their 40s/50s when they reconnected. 10% were between ages 60-70. 4% were in their 80s.

Surprisingly although the number of reunions decreased, the actual number of successes increased.

According to a survey they considered their success down to maturity: Improved communications ability and a more calm and tranquil approach to life. Plus a 100% wish to spend their later years with that person. The love survived even after so many years separated. These mature couples were into the spiritual side than younger persons. Believing they were really destined ‘soul mates’ -who someone “up there” brought together again.

Rekindling a first lost Love.

There exists quite a high success rate amongst mature adults who are living alone. They are scared to meet and form a relationship with someone who is initially a total stranger. For them, the idea of reconnecting with an old flame is more reassuring and safe.

One survey conducted showed more than 60% of participants were indulging in extramarital affairs. The over 60’s were just as likely that their younger counterparts. Interestingly many of these extramarital affairs began in a totally innocent way. An exchange of emails with no more than enquiring how the other party is doing, and how life has been generally since they last met.

As a rule, the one who first made contact was either divorced or widowed.

But discovered their lost love was in fact married. Neither party had any notions to embark on an affair, but things quickly moved on. Initial emails progressed to phone chats, and by talking sparked it on to moving it on to physically meeting with their old flame. This often opened the door to an affair.

Some of the Problems and Stumbling Blocks.

However, things were often not “plain sailing”. Being part of the so-called “baby boomer” generation parents instilled different moral ethic values to that of today’s generation.  Things like sex before marriage, and extramarital sex, were severely frowned upon. Indeed it was as if you had brought shame on the entire family, for such wanton indulgences. Whereas today’s younger generation does not give it any thought, either way.

Comparison Made

Added to the mix and dilemma are the children of both parties being unhappy with the relationship.

There can be quite uncomfortable comparisons made. For example, the parent/s were widowed the old friend from mum or dad’s past who appears uninvited on to the scene is treated can be perceived as an intruder into the family. Shunned and seen possibly as a “gold digger” if there were wealth and assets involved.

In many instances, the adult children feel threatened by the person their mum or dad has taken up with.

Also, for example, as the person introduces was mum or dad’s lover before their natural mum or dad, then it’s like they are being told, “This is truly the person I really should have married.” This leaves the children thinking, “right, so really I should never have been born in the first place.”

Also, there is often a lot of cynicism as to the motive.

Thinking the sole motive is for the outsider to be wishing to steal mum/dad’s money. That they are really reconnecting with what is after all now a stranger: especially as 50 years have elapsed. Actually some adult children suggested their reunion suggests that perhaps their parents were becoming senile. Or pursuing some kind of silly fantasy.

To add to the scepticism these romances move on very quickly.

The mature lost loves feel due to their advancing years and the years spent apart, there is no time to waste. Often marrying within weeks, or in some cases days! Quite understandably middle-aged family members become cynical and concerned.

Indeed reconnection of a mature couple has few parallels to go on.

They have different rules and moral compasses. They feel a strong urge to rekindle the interruption which came about all those years ago. Indeed one couple actually got back together again after more than 75 years. Marrying, on her 95th birthday.

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