Long Lost Friends
Finding Lost Friends | Especially those from your distant past!
Finding Lost Friends Although a very tough call, if you really want it – we can, and do, find them.
Guidance and advice on Finding lost friends
Why’s and reasons behind it.
As the years roll by, usually we marry and raise our children. Dote on our own grandchildren etc.etc.At the same time we are ourselves moving inexorably forward towards old age and retirement.
Many people at this stage of their lives are often bewildered at how much things have changed and feeling left behind. They struggle to relate with people of the younger generation. Feeling out of place with their retro perspectives and views on life. They find very little in common with them.
For example comtemporary music. Strange use of “in phrases” such as:- “sick” “Like” -“it was like”, “I was like” “Cool” “wicked” etc.,
it leaves the older generation bemused by it all. Moreover they for sure, would never adopt such phrases.
The age gap is further widened when younger people often say: that older people are:- “Very much -1980’s!” Of course to know the 1980s you have to have lived through it.
Our older generation often find themselves disinterested in todays shallow, and narrow mindenness around them. This prompts them more, into going into the reminisce phase. Musing on where they were, and what they were doing 40 years ago. In particular thinking back to those really good friends, lost along the way.
Reflecting on lost friends
What happened to those very precious long lost old friends? That extra special one (strongly etched in the memory bank) but lost in the passage of time.
People whom they once shared part of their lives with. Gone but not forgotten. Oh, to just be able to reach out again and say hello!
Tracing lost friends
In today’s very different world they morph into distant but very precious fond memories.
Their value and importance seems to increase, although tinged with a sadness that they are probably lost forever through the passages of time. These memories can be quite haunting, and simply refuses to go away.
Most people treat these memories as-just that….”fond memories. Naturally just putting it to one side,and getting on with their daily lives. With only the occasional fleeting thoughts towards, a memory rewind. Blissfully wandering back into their past again.
Tracing An Old friend
Some just think about the idea, while others actually do it.
For them reminiscing is simply just not enough. There exists a powerful need to revisit that once very special person, and the places where you first met.
Motives for | tracing a lost frend
People assure us and we believe them, no matter how much someone has physically changed, its more about the person within. They say they dont care how they look, its more about the person inside whom they want to reconnect with.
We know that with age comes thinning hair, spreading midriffs, eye bags, double chins etc. However at the end of the day its still that same person inside.
Nevertheless we are convinced many people do not wish to reconnect with a former sweetheart, mainly due to feeling they have lost their good looks. A mixture of emarrarsment, self counciousness, and preferring to be remembered how they looked 40 years ago. Very sad, but thats life,
But for many others that person who was once so special t40 years ago still-is.
Irrespective ands regardless of appearances. In their eyes you are still the same-you. The eyes never change (window to the soul) even though everything else possibly has.
The feedback we receive is:- we just want to be in the company once again, of that very special friend. To share a cup of coffee, see how they might have altered, both in outlook and perceptions on life.
To eagerly recall all those precious times and places once shared together. To fill in the numerous Memory blanks. In some cases a personal “ego trip” to reassure themself how well they have aged in appearance, by making comparisons with their old friends.
We are told by psychologists, each occasion people revisit their distant past new memory elements spting to life.
Often returning to the same location, seems to trigger the memory. For example, if in 1962 you had a wonderful day out together in Clacton On Sea, then revisit it again together. You may well be able to add many other hitherto forgotten element. Events surrounding the whole era long gone.
The 1960’s for example we had the Rolling Stones, Beatles, Camden- Chalk Farm-The Roundhouse” Woodstock and much more..
What happens when I actually find my lost friend?
When you do Find your lost friend, be curious but not over-pushy. Ask things like: Has life been kind to them? Have they been successful, healthy, happy, and affluent? Or has fate dished out a bad hand. What about health of their family. Any grand kids, political persuasions etc. etc. Did you ever think about me as well sometimes?
What about Finding an old flame.
We have learned generally, motives are quite harmless, (no marriage breakers). The most significant and often quoted reasons are:- huge regrets and to apologise. “Sorry”, is used so often when one side feels they let the other party down.’
A desire to correct “the wrong” that they may have inflicted on them. To offer help and support in any way they can. Even more important, this time around promising never to abandon them again. The chance to have the opportunity to just give them a big hug. The word” young and silly”- springs to mind.
Advice, when seeking to reconnect with an old flame at this late stage in life.
Most seek no more than to just forge a link of some sort. Actually whatever the other party is comfortable with.
Perhaps- an exchange of letters ,or a phone chat. Maybe an occasionally “!meet up” for coffee, or revisiting a memorable special place for them both.
Getting back together with an old flame!
Being in the autumn of their lives, some people secretly harbour a hope that at some point to rekindle the relationship. None wish to break happy families but, if prevailing circumstances permitsuch as: divorce/ death of a spouse , then, they might respectfully offer to become their special friend again in whatever capacity.
Many of our enquirers who are themselves in their 60’s or 70’s have sadly lost their partner. Often their old flame is in the same situation. For us its great whenever we have been able put them together again. (Playing Cupid)
Finding a lost love what to keep in mind
Be prepared for disappointment. There is at least a 50% chance the other party will not respond. Be aware that both of you have changed a lot.. That once young wild-child left wing ‘Trotsky’ might today be something totally different.
For example: SADLY- often in the case of ladies a changing appearance (ageing) (we are told) is the reason for them not wishing to link up again. Here below are two images of theoretically the same person one in 1967 and the other in 2020. To me as the author of this article I would be equally happy to see that person again now, as 50 years ago. Also let’s face it I don’t have my Brad Pitt looks anymore.
Embarrassed as to how you look now when meeting a long lost love?
Understandably (egos) come into play and some sadly do not wish to tarnish the image/memory of how they once looked compared to how they look now. We guess a woman’s beauty is more precious than the male ageing appearances. Vanity at work!
Be committed to the renewal of friendship. There is nothing worse that raising a person’s spirits and then dropping them after a couple of letters/phone calls. This deos happen quite often. After the initial euphoria and ‘big time’ catching up where do go from there? They become no more that aonther entry in your facebook or email,.
From a personal note when Finding lost friends.
Our generation remember so well the Paulines, Carols. Sheila’s, Margarets. Janes, Maureen’s, Sandra’s, Mary’s. A reflection of the baby boomer post world war two. The names mums and dads gave us during that valiant era. God bless all those mums and dads no longer with us.
People Tracers we find lost friends.
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