FINDING Lost Friends-especially the ones from your distant past!
Although a very tough call if you really want it, quite often we can and do find them.
Guidance and advice on Finding a lost friend
Why’s and reasons behind it.
As the years roll by, usually we marry and raise our children, dote on our own grandchildren etc. At the same time we are ourselves moving inexorably forward towards old age and retirement.
Many people at this stage of their lives are often bewildered at how much things have changed and feeling left behind. They struggle to relate with people of the younger generation. Feeling out of place with their retro perspectives, and views on life. They find very little in common with them.
For example comtemporary music. Strangle uses of “in phrases” such as:- “sick” “Like” -“it was like”, “I was like” “Cool” “wicked” etc., it leaves the older generation bemused by it all. Moreover they for sure would never adopt any of these phrases.
The age gap is further widened when younger people often commenting that older people are “very much -1980’s!” Of course to know the 1980s you have to have lived through it.
Our older generation often find themselves going into reminisce phases more. Musing on where they were, and what they were doing 40 years ago. In particular thinking back to those really good friends lost along the way.
Reflecting on lost friends
What happened to those very precious lost old friends? That special one (strongly etched in the memory bank) but lost in the passage of time.
People whom they once shared part of their lives with. Gone but not forgotten.
Tracing lost friends
In today’s very different world they morph into distant, but very precious fond memories.
Their value and importance seems to increase although tinged with a sadness that they are probably lost forever the passage time. These memories can be quite haunting and simply refuses to go away.
Most people treat these memories as-just that….”fond memories. Naturally just put it to one side get on with their daily lives. With only the occasional fleeting thoughts towards a memory rewind. Blissfully wandering back into their past again.
Tracing A lost Old friend
Some people Just Think about the idea, while others, actually do it.
For some reminiscing is simply just not enough. There exists a powerful need to revisit that once special person, and perhaps the place where you first met.
Motives for tracing a lost frend.
Most people assure us and we believe them, that no matter how much someone has physically changed its more about the person within.
We know that with age comes thinning hair, spreading midriffs, eye bags, double chins etc. However at the end of the day its still that same person inside.
Yes, that person who was once so special and still-isregardless of appearances. In their eyes you are still ALSO the same-you. The eyes never change (window to the soul) that much, even though everything else does.
The feedback we receive is we just want to be in the company once again of that very sepecial friend.
To share a cup of coffee and see how they altered in outlook and perceotions on life. To recall all the times and places youu once shared together. To fill in the numerous Memory blanks. In some cases an “ego trip” to reassure themselevs how well they have aged in appearance by making comparisons.
We are told by psychologist that each occasion people revisit their distant past, new memory elements spting to life.
Often returning to the same location seems to trigger the memory. For example, if in 1962 you had a wonderful day out together at Clacton On Sea, then revisit it again together. You may well be able to add many other hitherto forgotten element.
What happens when I actually find my lost friend?
When Finding lost friends be curious but not over-pushy. Has life been kind to them? Have they been successful happy and affluent? Or has fate dished out a bad hand. What about health and that of their family. Any grand kids, political persuasions etc. etc. Did you ever think about me as well sometimes?
Memories are of course not just about the individual you spent time with.
What about Finding an old flame.
We have learned that generally the motives are quite harmless (no marriage breakers). The most significant and often quoted reasons are:- huge regrets and to apologise. “Sorry”, is used so often where one side feel they let the other party down.’
A desire to correct the wrong they may have inflicted on them. To offer help and support in any way they can, and this time to promise never to abandon them again. The most important action for many is to have the opportunity to give them a big hug. The word” young and silly”- springs to mind.
Seeking to reconnect an old flame at this late stage in their lives.
Generally most seek no more than to just forge a link of some sort, Actually whatever the other party is comfortable with.
Perhaps- an exchange of letters ,or a phone chat. Maybe an occasionally “!meet up” for coffee, or revisiting a memorable special place for them both.
Getting back together with an old flame!
Being in the autumn of their lives some people secretly harbour a hope that at some point to rekindle the relationship. None wish to break happy families but, if prevailing circumstances permit, such as: divorce/ death of spouse then they respectfully might offer to become their special friend again in whatever capacity.
Many of our enquirers are themselves in their 60’s or 70’s and in many cases have sadly lost their partner. Often their old flame is in the same situation. For us its great whenever we have been able put them together again. (Playing Cupid)
Finding a lost love what to keep in mind
Be prepared for disappointment. There is at least a 50% chance the other party will not respond. Be aware that both of you have changed a lot both in appearance, views, opinions, etc. That young wild left wing ‘Trotsky’ might now be something totally different.
For example: SADLY- often in the case of the ladies, a changing appearance (ageing) (we are told) is the reason for them not wishing to link up again. Here below are two images of theoretically the same person one in 1967 and the other in 2018. To me as the author, I would be equally happy to see that person again now as 50 years ago. Also let’s face it I don’t have my Brad Pitt looks anymore.
Embarrassed as to how you look when meeting a long lost love?
Understandably (egos) come into play and some sadly do not wish to tarnish the image/memory of how they once looked compared to how they look now. We guess a woman’s beauty is more precious than the male ageing appearances. Vanity at work!
Be committed to the renewal of friendship. There is nothing worse that raising a person’s spirits and then dropping them after a couple of letters/phone calls.
From a personal note when Finding lost friends.
Our generation remember so well the Paulines, Carols. Sheila’s, Margarets. Janes, Maureen’s, Sandra’s, Mary’s. A reflection of the baby boomer post world war two. The names mums and dads gave us during that valiant era. God bless all those mums and dads no longer with us.
People Tracers we find lost friends.